Stop Checking for Him

This post is a bit of insight into the thought evolution of a woman that knows better…

Day 1 of “stop checking for him”
I can’t do this.
I’m weak.
I hope I don’t regret this
He’s probably thinking about me right now.
He’s just super busy
I think I heard him say over the phone to someone else that he was busy today
What if he’s trying to call and it’s not going through..
Let me call

Day 2 of “stop checking for him”
Why hasn’t he called?
He probably doesn’t even know I’m not checking for him
I guess he’s busy
Maybe he’s just not that into me…
he called!!!!
O M G
I’m so happy.
I knew he was thinking about me!
He said we would talk later.
I wonder if we will get to hang out..
I’m gonna cancel all my other plans just in case

Day 3

He didn’t call back.
Cancelled my plans for nothing
He hasn’t called today either.
Silence.
Stop staring at your phone!!!!!
Watch YouTube
Watch shows
Listen to music
Do some arts and crafts
Do work! — err no I hate work
What if he’s with someone else?
I have to stop canceling plans based on hope
He has to stop coming first
I have to re-rank my relationships
The day is over, It’s 2am, he’s not gonna call.
He doesn’t actually want me
I will not cry

Day 4

Still nothing
Oh wait! He just called!
He invited me over! Exciting!
Just got home. Cried all the way back
He wasn’t warm, he wasn’t interested.
I felt more welcomed by his family than by him
He didn’t really talk to me
The only time I heard him was when he asked “you good?” “You ok?”
If he didn’t want me there, why did he invite me?
I don’t wanna do this anymore
I shouldn’t feel this way
Why am I crying over this?
He doesn’t want me but doesn’t want me to go
I can handle this
I know what i need to do

Day 5 of “stop checking for him”
He just called
I pretended everything was fine.
He believed me
Maybe everything is fine
Maybe this is our new reality
Maybe this is what it’s going to be like
Maybe I should start moving on
But I miss him.
I miss him so much it hurts

Day I don’t remember how many days it’s been…
Still miss him
Still nothing
Still don’t feel like a queen
Still don’t feel important
Still regretting not checking for him
Maybe I’m supposed to be the pursuer in all my relationships
Maybe I’m not supposed to ever feel like a “woman”
That’s so mainstream anyway
Maybe I should settle
Maybe I should try harder

My claim to fame: a celebration of people – PART 1

To start off this year, I’ve been thinking a lot about gratitude and support. Being thankful for what I have and supporting those around me doing amazing things. So in that vein, I’m going to write on here about all the people I know doing amazing things and our history. This is just part one because I didn’t want this to go on forever. I will get the other parts posted before 2017 ends amen.

Hopefully, you guys will check these great people out and support them and realize that I’m not just anybody… I’m a somebody… by association-ish.

1. Obinna aka fibre.ng – OBI and I went to uni together. We met briefly some years before then when I fell desperately in love with one of his best friends for about a week – oh teenage life – but really got to know each other in uni. Can I just say that he is still one of the very few friends I consider as close and he is an ALL around great guy. Fibre is his baby and is solving the housing problem for many young adults in Lagos. Quite simply, Fibre let’s you pay monthly for housing. But it’s more than that though. It’s a community of young professionals, living together, growing together, solving our problems together. I don’t think I can mention on here some of the amazing people part of the community for privacy reasons but you get the gist. Go Obi, I’m so proud of you and hope that one day if I ever need free housing…
2. Seye aka fastest man in Nigeria- people please please please…don’t doubt me when I tell you I met this guy when I was two. Seye is my childhood friend and while we don’t really know each other anymore, I beam with so much pride knowing this guy grew up a few streets away from me and was actually my friend! Like we would play together and walk around the neighborhood etc! All the Ogudu kids must know how I feel. This guy was one of us and with sheer determination is now the fastest man in Nigeria. That’s deep y’all. I follow him on snapchat and this guy is pure motivation. He posts steadily about his training and his niece and honestly the things that matter to him just shine through and I’m often just like YASSS. A lot of days when I’m very down – y’all know my history – his snaps make me snap out of my funk. Like look, Seye is training in the freezing cold… and you can’t just shower and go to work. Cmon! Seye, if you read this, please keep snapping and keep doing amazing things. You have no idea who you are lifting daily.
3. Vanessa aka Taos cosmetics- Vanessa and I went to the same high school and her dad and my dad know each other pretty well. Vanessa and I are ok friends and we have a good number of close friends in common. I am always in awe of her work ethic whenever our mutual friends talk about her. She is steadily on her grind. Taos cosmetics is her makeup brand. I currently own 4 items from her and have been pleased with each one. Oh! and let me tell you about this mirror that I’m waiting for her to bring back. She had this light up mirror that sold out before I could blink and I’m still waiting on this mirror to come back. Vanessa, if you read this, 2017 is the year of great lighting. Bless us with this mirror ohhhh
4. Lara and Tito aka thelashstash– Tito is one of the friends I hope to love for the rest of my life. We aren’t as close as we used to be but she’s one that I wish the world for. Lara is her sister and well by extension another that I wish the world for! Hehe. The lashstash is Lara’s baby and she has the most beautiful and durable lashes out here. Y’all know I don’t go nowhere but when I do… all those instagrams you guys see with me looking super fly, the lashes are from thelashstash. Tito recently joined Lara in pushing the brand and marketing and all that fun stuff and I’m so excited and proud. The bond they have is amazing! Try out the lashes and say I sent you. They will give me discount in Jesus’ name Amen.
5. Gbolahan aka bollylomo- honestly, i slacked when it came to this guy oh! So, we went to secondary school together but we were never good friends Or anything like that. But the guy was always heavy into the dance and drama club and I should’ve seen that this guy would blow and made friends with him then oh but I slacked die! He is hilarious! And obviously really cares about his craft. A friend of mine told me a story about him- said she went to a party for someone’s birthday and he was there because he was also friends with the celebrant. And in the middle of the gathering, burst out performing his song to this group of strangers with super confidence and swag! I definitely do not have the balls for that. This is someone who is obviously determined and willing to put in the work! Gbolahan, if you read this, I can’t say remember us oh because we were never close but if you can remember us… eppp.
6. Nkechi aka bellanaijaweddings– y’all, I swear I actually know her. I swear. We are not friends like that oh but I actually have her number and that’s a big deal so ha! She went to my secondary school and then we lived in the beautiful city of Boston at the same time for a while after uni! I don’t think I have to tell y’all anything about bellanaijaweddings but I will say this, ink is such a soft person like she couldn’t hurt a fly and yet stays conquering us all in her craft sooo.. yah. She is a forward thinker, innovator and all round hard-working woman.
7. Ify aka Mintville – Ify also went to my high school. Come, my high school low-key poppin! We also weren’t friends at any point but she is close friends with some of my friends which places her and her people as good people on my list. Mintville is a cleaning company that she started and runs. We use her company twice a month in my home and honest review- her people are good, fast and well priced! If you’re looking for a cleaning company, well, here you go!
8. Eki aka thechameleonblogger – this one and I have known each other since primary school and I hope to know her till I die. Still one of my very closest friends, she is honestly a really great girl. We have our ups and downs but we overcome consistently. It’s low-key beautiful. If you don’t already know her, she’s a fashion and lifestyle blogger and kind of a big shot at BellaNaija. Yup. We thought about starting a YouTube channel together but I don’t even know what has stopped us. Hey Eki, let’s do this this year!
9. Feyikemi aka lockeandpewter – Feyi is honestly such an impressive networker. Jeez. We also went to secondary school together and she was ALWAYS a lover of things beautiful. When I think about her from high school, I think flowers and photography! Yup. Today, Lockeandpewter is her PR firm and she is making waves! Check her out. Please tell her I sent you oh in case I need PR help in the future.
10. Nnamdi and chiwete and the team aka kraneum – okay so Nnamdi is my brother, Chiwete is one his best friends and by extension, my brother, his whole team really have become my family because it just makes sense. Kraneum is not your average tech company though, their projects focus on everything forward thinking and amazing. I’m biased though so check them out yourselves and be amazed. Big things are gwan.
11. Oyihoma, Ocheme, Nnamdi aka kosavadeals – naturally more family members here. you call it famz, I call it hope. kosavadeals is a deals app for the Nigerian demographic. If you’re trying to save money, get the app. they’ve even won some awards at Wharton and HBS. they’re kind of a big deal.
12. Idia aka Idia – you know you’re a big deal when your alias is your name. Lol. I just made that up. Idia is a big time model, tv personality and just like entertainment person. Idia was my school mother in high school but really more of a friend. We lost touch after she graduated though. Fast forward to a few months ago when I bumped into her at Eko hotel – still so warm, still so sweet to me… I was so so happy to see her. Low key fan girling over her it was beautiful! I keep meaning to ask her to lunch to see if we will click again like we used to but there’s always that part of me that’s like I’m not good for her PR jor. Let me just stay in my lane ABeg.
13. Kwami aka moringa connect – Please did i mention that my friend made Forbes 30 under 30 social entrepreneurs? yes ohhhh. yes. please do I have to mention anything else? we went to uni together, he is a great guy. what else? Mama I made it
14. Kwadwo and Toby aka shipmate – two young men I went to university with and their team. Shypmate is a peer to peer delivery system. Basically, order online and have your stuff delivered to a Shypmate partner in the US and its delivered to you in 5 -10 days. Think Jand2Gidi for the US and with peers. you can also earn money by becoming a transporter , its pretty cool.

With all these, I hope I have convinced you and not confused you that I am indeed a person of great importance.

lol.

On a serious note, this is just to give a shout out to some of the people I know that are doing amazing things. I stand with you and I support you regardless of how close we are and I will do my part no matter how small to spread word of your awesomeness.

MERAKI FLOW

Now, I don’t know about you guys but I tend to pour ALL of myself into everything I do. I give people and situations all my love, attention, encouragement, financial support, skills, everything! And honestly, sometimes, I get tired.

Lately, I’ve been feeling spent. Like who is giving to me? Who is getting up in the middle of the night to go to war for me? Who is straining themselves financially for me? Who is pouring encouragement into my life daily?

Love they said, It’ll be fun they said. TUH.

I found myself thinking “Hey there you beautiful goddess, you need to just stop. you need to care more about you! Guard yourself more. Guard your finances more. Guard your time more” etc. So I started checking the interwebs for a nice quote to put on my phone screen to kinda remind myself to do just that! And then I found this:

2 Kings 4: 1-7

One day the widow of a member of the group of prophets came to Elisha and cried out, “My husband who served you is dead, and you know how he feared the Lord. But now a creditor has come, threatening to take my two sons as slaves.”

² “What can I do to help you?” Elisha asked. “Tell me, what do you have in the house?”

“Nothing at all, except a flask of olive oil,” she replied.

³ And Elisha said, “Borrow as many empty jars as you can from your friends and neighbors. ⁴ Then go into your house with your sons and shut the door behind you. Pour olive oil from your flask into the jars, setting each one aside when it is filled.”

⁵ So she did as she was told. Her sons kept bringing jars to her, and she filled one after another. ⁶ Soon every container was full to the brim!

“Bring me another jar,” she said to one of her sons.

“There aren’t any more!” he told her. And then the olive oil stopped flowing.

⁷ When she told the man of God what had happened, he said to her, “Now sell the olive oil and pay your debts, and you and your sons can live on what is left over.”

New Living Translation (NLT)

You’re probably wondering what on earth that has to do with anything… Let me break a few things down for you:

1. This woman was in debt. Like her husband passed away and left her with some bills and kids to take care of. Yet when Elisha said “yo, go BORROW some jars… umm like lots of jars and pour your tiny oil into them”, she said “errr okay” and went to do so. ???????? HUH????? This lady definitely comes off to me as someone with a lot of faith and obedience. Because I would’ve straight up been like “yo Elisha, I just told you I’m in debt… now you want me to go borrow some more? Like seriously?”
2. She must’ve been of good repute or good character because I don’t know many people who would loan you stuff if you already owe stuff… but yeah
3. She poured her oil from a small flask into lots and lots of jars and just kept filling them up. And when she stopped pouring, her own flask became empty. Meaning that she just needed to keep pouring in order to have more to pour. DO I NEED TO EXPLAIN THIS?
4. After she was done pouring, she goes to Elisha and is like “yo Elisha, I finished pouring mahn” and Elisha goes “Aii, cool, go sell those jars and pay off your debts and you and your kids can chill on the rest”. Like what is happening here?? So… basically, the jars that she filled from her little old flask, were basically what she sent out into the world to bring back enough for her to pay off her debts and to live freely.

What I got from this is that I may seem smaller, less knowledgeable or less financially stable than those around me (i.e they may have/be bigger jars) OR people may not even be noticing what it takes out of me to help, build or love them OR I may be tired and feeling like I have very little left to give. But as long as I have faith, I am obedient to God and I keep pouring what I have into all these people, I’ll keep having more to pour. And these “bigger” jars will basically be/bring me all I need to live a full life.

BUT the moment I stop pouring… no more of me to pour, no more filled jars, nothing to live on.

 

Guess I wont be needing that quote.